Dear Everyone,
It has been a lonely time
Inside of here
No, there have been people
People to see
People to hear
People to call
But I hope to learn
To love you all
While sitting this one out
It gets dark in here
I’m not sure how I feel
Just a hollow
A tightness in my throat
She’s gone
She is really gone
I held on
Until it didn’t hurt too much
To let her go
And now there’s this big gone-ness
Where she once was
An open space
That a bird flies across
So vast
It’s an endless sky
But it fits inside
Me
Like she fit inside
Me
She’ll never not be with me
And so it hurts
Deeply
To have her leave
And see
How no one will talk to me
The fear is great
The fear to say or do the wrong thing
It’s safer to leave me alone
And wait
I understand
I also understand
That you can’t understand
And if you do
I am so sorry
If you do understand
Let me give you this embrace
Let me hold you so you can cry
And let me tell you that I am sorry
I’m sorry that you know what this feels like
And even if they are afraid to be there for you
You can learn to love
Everyone
Equally
Because we all want
To be happy
We all want to be free
From pain
And so you see, we are all the same
Dear Everyone,
I know you cannot know
How it feels to watch her go
I know you cannot feel
The space she left behind
But maybe somewhere
Deep inside
A past life
A dream
You were a mother
Or a baby born who stopped breathing
An alternate ending
And so perhaps you do know
How it goes
And no matter what
I am learning that
I can love everyone
In spite
Of
My
Self
This is beautiful, I read it with tearful eyes and lump in my throat as I sadly do know some of what you feel thru a loss so very personal and deeply painful. I know there are no words of comfort that will take enough of that pain away, only time, and your loving words expressed as you have, I’m sure and I hope, will help to unburden some of the heaviness on your heart. Sweet, sweet Chickadee, tho she wasn’t able to stay and continue on, she was a connection to you like no other, a bond with her that you were fortunate enough to experience if even for the short time you had with her. Much Love and Best Wishes that you can find peace in knowing that.
My eyes read your pain in the words you put down and the ache rolls down my cheeks and falls…and I think I know what you are feeling…but I can’t possibly know…Love and good thoughts to you and Addison and the missing Chickadee ? ❤️?
I’m so, so sorry Jahnavi. I don’t know…I can only try to imagine the pain. From it stems your heartbreakingly beautiful sculpture of words. You give us art and poetry. and through that a path to understanding the unimaginable. Thinking of you and Addison with love.
Beautiful poem my darling. It brings tears to my eyes. I hate to see, hear you suffer this way. Take shelter of the Lord. He is the only one who can console you. either you call him Krishna, Buddha, Vishnu, He is there waiting for you to turn to Him… Love, Mata
Ciao Jah, I’d love to send you an email, but as usual I’m playing it pretty lazy and asking you to send me your address (I know you sent a message with all the info, but I can’t find it now…). could you do that please? [email protected] baci, c.
Oh sweet mama! I found your blog from someone sharing this post on Facebook. I binge read a lot of posts last night, and my heart is breaking with you. You will always be Chickadee’s mama, and she will always be your first baby. Your writings are beautiful and expressive. Keep writing. I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this unimaginable. Hugs from NC! ❤️
Where are you two? My hugs are waiting for you both. Our Compassionate Friends group awaits your presence. I’m relieved to read your words, as heartbreaking as they are…as excruciating as it is to hear your pain expressed… it’s good to read you sharing your truth. Grief is a deep river. No one can’t stop its flow. Know though, there are many holding the shore firmly for you both.