Dear Everyone

Dear Everyone,

It has been a lonely time

Inside of here

 

No, there have been people

People to see

People to hear

People to call

But I hope to learn

To love you all

While sitting this one out

 

It gets dark in here

I’m not sure how I feel

Just a hollow

A tightness in my throat

 

She’s gone

She is really gone

I held on

Until it didn’t hurt too much

To let her go

 

And now there’s this big gone-ness

Where she once was

An open space

That a bird flies across

So vast

It’s an endless sky

But it fits inside

Me

Like she fit inside

Me

 

She’ll never not be with me

And so it hurts

Deeply

To have her leave

And see

How no one will talk to me

 

The fear is great

The fear to say or do the wrong thing

It’s safer to leave me alone

And wait

I understand

 

I also understand

That you can’t understand

And if you do

I am so sorry

 

If you do understand

Let me give you this embrace

Let me hold you so you can cry

And let me tell you that I am sorry

 

I’m sorry that you know what this feels like

And even if they are afraid to be there for you

You can learn to love

Everyone

Equally

 

Because we all want

To be happy

We all want to be free

From pain

And so you see, we are all the same

 

Dear Everyone,

I know you cannot know

How it feels to watch her go

I know you cannot feel

The space she left behind

 

But maybe somewhere

Deep inside

A past life

A dream

You were a mother

Or a baby born who stopped breathing

An alternate ending

And so perhaps you do know

How it goes

 

And no matter what

I am learning that

I can love everyone

In spite

Of

My

Self

 

7 thoughts on “Dear Everyone

  1. This is beautiful, I read it with tearful eyes and lump in my throat as I sadly do know some of what you feel thru a loss so very personal and deeply painful. I know there are no words of comfort that will take enough of that pain away, only time, and your loving words expressed as you have, I’m sure and I hope, will help to unburden some of the heaviness on your heart. Sweet, sweet Chickadee, tho she wasn’t able to stay and continue on, she was a connection to you like no other, a bond with her that you were fortunate enough to experience if even for the short time you had with her. Much Love and Best Wishes that you can find peace in knowing that.

  2. My eyes read your pain in the words you put down and the ache rolls down my cheeks and falls…and I think I know what you are feeling…but I can’t possibly know…Love and good thoughts to you and Addison and the missing Chickadee 🐥 ❤️💕

  3. I’m so, so sorry Jahnavi. I don’t know…I can only try to imagine the pain. From it stems your heartbreakingly beautiful sculpture of words. You give us art and poetry. and through that a path to understanding the unimaginable. Thinking of you and Addison with love.

  4. Beautiful poem my darling. It brings tears to my eyes. I hate to see, hear you suffer this way. Take shelter of the Lord. He is the only one who can console you. either you call him Krishna, Buddha, Vishnu, He is there waiting for you to turn to Him… Love, Mata

  5. Ciao Jah, I’d love to send you an email, but as usual I’m playing it pretty lazy and asking you to send me your address (I know you sent a message with all the info, but I can’t find it now…). could you do that please? chiarasto@gmail.com baci, c.

  6. Oh sweet mama! I found your blog from someone sharing this post on Facebook. I binge read a lot of posts last night, and my heart is breaking with you. You will always be Chickadee’s mama, and she will always be your first baby. Your writings are beautiful and expressive. Keep writing. I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this unimaginable. Hugs from NC! ❤️

  7. Where are you two? My hugs are waiting for you both. Our Compassionate Friends group awaits your presence. I’m relieved to read your words, as heartbreaking as they are…as excruciating as it is to hear your pain expressed… it’s good to read you sharing your truth. Grief is a deep river. No one can’t stop its flow. Know though, there are many holding the shore firmly for you both.

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