All hail the unruly, wily mind that is comparable to a flame: never ceasing to move, always changing and transforming!
I am sitting in the Black Hole Cafe in Houston, TX right now, after a restless night of sleep in my aunt’s guest bed.
Last night Addison and I arrived in Houston and stayed up late with Aunt Michele, playing her songs with guitar and mandolin that made her weep.
And as we lay in bed last night, I shifted, tossed and turned, unable to drift into sleep. My mind just won’t STOP!
I lay awake thinking about Addison and how dear he is to me.
When we play music together, it’s as if the world around us falls away.
We sleep in the same bed at night, tangled together with arms and legs wrapped around one another, as have almost every night for the past three years.
What am I THINKING?? Why would I leave Addison for 6 months to a year?
My mind drifted to a few days earlier, when I had panicked and almost bought a ticket directly to Sao Paulo, Brazil. What if I spend all this time biking through Mexico and Central America and never actually make it to Brazil? I had thought. What if, when I arrive in Brazil via the Amazon river, the border patrol doesn’t let me into Brazil and I have to go all the way back the way I came, sweating and writhing around in a hammock on a slow moving boat in the sweltering heat?
I had considered just flying to Brazil and then biking back.
Then I did a yoga class with my favorite Black Swan yoga teacher, Dave, and I calmed down and felt resolved to leave from Los Angeles again.
Finally, after all that thinking, I drifted to sleep.
Only to awake again at 5 am, thinking about how I’ll need a 4 ft or longer cable to lock my bags together on my bicycle when I need to step into a convenience store to buy food during my trip. There won’t be anyone to stand outside and watch my stuff like when Addison and I biked from Vermont to Texas and had eachother’s backs. I’ll have my brand new gopro camera with me, and a world of supplies to get me through my long journey, all on my bicycle and easy for anyone to steal if they decide they want to.
Then my mind drifts to the mace I will carry with me. Should I hang it from my handlebars so it’s within easy reach at all times?
I imagine three men attacking me at once to steal my stuff. I see myself spraying one in the face with mace, and then quickly turning to spray the second one. But what about the third one that’s coming up behind me? And will they just writhe around once I spray them, or do I need to kick them in the nuts as well to keep them down? What if my stuff is all over the place when they approach, and I have to try to quickly pack it while they claw at their burning eyes, and then ride away? Or should I just run and leave the stuff?
When I finally got out of the bed this morning, I felt like I’d run a marathon.
Gosh, I am exhausted. 😀
Well, the fact of the matter is, none of that is happening right now.
What IS happening, is I need to pack my computer up and go play music live on KPFT Houston. The Love Sprockets are on at noon, central time.
And thanks for reading this post! Sorry it was a crazy one, but that’s how I’m feeling right now! 😀